5. Surfing mindset
Incremental progress is still progress
I started surfing in 2019* for reasons both spiritual and egotistical.
I sought to deepen my connection with the water. I figured a surfboard would give me a reason to spend more time in the ocean and force me to understand the ocean’s tides and swells (if not for the sake of curiosity but for survival). From my childhood summers spent in Bay area community pools to my first dip in Lake Michigan and eventually getting my PADI certification in Thailand, I always loved the feeling of cool comforting water against my skin.
I like this narrative cause it’s “deep” (literally and metaphorically ha ha ha!) and conceals the narcissistic reason: I wanted to be a hot surfer chick. I loved the idea of a very fit and tan version of myself ripping waves and effortlessly exuding attraction. My fantasies heightened when I was asked to model for a surf bikini brand. That was game over; I was mentally on my way to being a Roxy brand ambassador with photos of my perfectly tanned cheeks gracing social media and surf shops.
Cue record scratch. It’s been nearly 4 years and let’s just say I have acknowledged and made peace with the gap between my illusion and reality, and have found other reasons to stay the course.
Why bother?
I continue to surf because I value the person surfing requires me to be. Even if I haven’t manifested Alana Blanchard, surfing has strengthened my arms, back, and MIND! I find myself coming back to the following mantras, that extend to acting and life at large:
Don’t panic. Shit’s gonna go wrong. Whether you forgot your lines or misread a wave, you’re already in the thicccc of it so no need to panic and drive yourself into an even deeper energetic blackhole. Stay calm. Whatever you’re going through -this too shall pass. You’ll get better at staying calm with practice.
Work moment to moment. There are no easy formulas or heuristics that guarantee success. As a beginner, I find it quite maddening that there are seemingly always exceptions to the rule. Sometimes you paddle into a wave and lean forward, other times that same decision will cause you to nosedive into the whitewater. It’s not a deficit of ability or willpower if you made the wrong decision – you’re still showing up, gleaning visceral lessons, and sharpening your intuition to make a better call next time.
Commit to the process, not the outcome. There are plenty of sessions where I don’t catch anything. I’m sitting on the lineup, hoping for shoulder scraps while surfers with far more experience and swagger courageously paddle into the heart of the wave. In these moments, instead of beating myself up for not hitting x wave count, I breathe deeply and tell myself: good for you for paddling out and showing up!
As I’ve ventured down this path, I’ve realized that the reasons that got me started aren’t the reasons that will keep me going. It will be a few years before I transition to a shortboard, and most likely a few lifetimes before I’m barreling. But that doesn’t make my sessions in the here and now any less meaningful, any less worthwhile.
My original intention of deepening my connection to the water holds true: I love the peace and quiet of dawn patrol, surfers quietly in communion with each other waiting for the next set to arrive. I let the brisk cold Pacific Ocean seep into my wetsuit and the force of life pulse through me. And then when the set arrives and I’m tumbling around the whitewater, I am hanging on for dear life and grateful to be alive all at once.
So if you’re at a point where you’re feeling yourself feeling “stuck” or “stagnant”, ask yourself the following. How do I compare to the very beginning of this journey? Chances are, you’ve made progress. Maybe not the amount you hoped for, but incremental progress is still progress.
Toybox
☕ So glad I brought my Aeropress Go to El Salvador. 🍍 Really into Pineapple + celery smoothies right now. Just add oat milk, honey, and ice. 🍿 Enjoyed watching two realities unfold in Chungking Express. 📺 Finally finished Season 2 of White Lotus. I strangely received an acting class scene where I’m being confronted by the son of a former lover. 📚 Finished Barbarian Days! Yes it’s a surf autobiography but Finnegan has sharp prose and informative commentary on colonialism too. 🎙 Vox’s The Gray Area podcast (on Nietzche, on connection) strikes the right balance between informative and curated, most episodes clocking in <1hr.
That’s it for this month’s edition, be sure to like or subscribe so you don’t miss the next.
Thanks for reading!
XOXO JZ
*Shoutout to Simon and Trish at Zopilote Surf camp in Santa Teresa, Costa Rica, and my first ever instructors Armando and Esteban
Beautifully written and so profound. Keep riding those waves!