At the risk of my 18yo brother harassing me for being “so millennial”, I frequently romanticize the days pre smartphone where I could sink into something for 4+ hours at a time. Reading long passages of text, synthesizing disparate bits of information into a coherent worldview, and getting lost in the mechanics of learning a new hobby all carried a certain ease.
Then came iPhone saturation. I distinctly recall how Pokemon Go dominated the summer of 2016, and codified the social norm of walking whilst looking at a phone screen. For the next 5 years, I managed to get by with a steady dose of self-optimization (a masked version of self-loathing), stimulant medications, and deadline driven hyper-pressure.
2020 was another defining moment. In February I got a concussion, leading to paranoia, PTSD, and heightened ADHD. Experiencing COVID unfold in that state of mind was extremely disorienting, where I was unable to make sense of whether my inner world or outer world was broken. My executive functioning disappeared into the abyss of infinite scroll feeds and the paralysis of information overwhelm.
Nearly 4 years later, I am finally starting to feel the fog of fear lift from my shoulders, and the stillness of clarity settling into my bones. It’s been lots of messy trial and error, where I’ve thrown a lot of time and money at neurofeedback, audio-cognitive reprogramming, lion’s mane supplements, and bullet coffee. I’ve landed in a place where I’m no longer trying to “get back” to the person I was pre-concussion, and instead am meeting the person I am today with compassion and patience.
I needed to do a lot of work on myself before I could authentically write this article around reclaiming my focus. I find much of the discourse around attention management toxic and demotivating, centering around productivity maximization and FOMO both of which are deficit-based perspectives. In this season of life, I’m embracing a fundamentally positive self-view, one where I am adequate and enough. And it is that energy fueling this commitment to reclaim my focus, so I can feel more whole and human as I clear space for the things that make my spirit sing.
Without further ado, here are the commitments I’m making to reclaim my focus:
Delete my Facebook account
Deactivate LinkedIn
Deactivate Instagram for 9 months of the year. I can be active January(~ish), September, and December.
Plan to use Craigslist in lieu of Facebook Marketplace
Buy a K-safe box for work and home
Download Freedom to disconnect from the internet during periods of intense focus on my work and personal laptop
Set screen time limits on WhatsApp and Gmail
Work towards only checking my phone during moments of transition (e.g: waiting at the bus stop, right after parking the car) and then eventually ~3 times a day (late morning, afternoon, evening)
Batch necessary notification checks (Slack, Asana) on my work computer: max check is 1x/hour
Maintain my commitment to no tech the first and last hours I am awake
Meditate to cultivate patience and reduce impulsivity
So far I’ve made good progress on implementing 5 of these, and will hopefully be in easy breezy maintenance mode by March. I’ll know I’ve made progress when:
I’m publishing more articles
I’m reading more books
Screen time goes down, but more importantly # times reaching for the phone goes down (this to me is a stronger indicator of whether I’ve cut down on subconscious impulsive behavior that contributes to poor focus)
Overall I feel more agency when approaching my phone and laptop, and less anxiety stemming from uncertainty on whether or not I’ll be able to focus today
Yahoooo! Let’s do it!
Toybox
📚 Reading Stolen Focus: Why You Can't Pay Attention - and How to Think Deeply Again was a huge catalyst for this post. I liked how it was grounded in scientific and journalistic inquiry, and woven together with the author’s very human personal fight for attentional agency. He contextualizes our behavior without shame or nihilism. I highly recommend for the technology creators of the world, and anyone trying to set better tech boundaries.
📺 I am sooo late to the “Jury Duty” train but DANG talk about commitment! I also loved this quote from James Marsden’s tribute to his cast: “A big rule I learned from this cast about improv is you shouldn't be the one who's trying to be the funniest and the loudest. You need to complement each other with the "yes, and's" and how you create a path for other people to be funny, and we all did that for each other.” I’m also very into the whole cast of “Brothers Sun”, particularly Justin Chien’s stunts and sense of ease he brings to his role.
🎧 I love the discussion on algorithmic monoculture and taste as a fundamental internal experience in “How to Discovery Your Own Taste”. Listening to “The Joy of Uncertainty” while taking an improv class made it all the more meaningful.
🎂 Crushed a loaf of TJ’s Chocolate Brooklyn Babka in 2 days. Swag.
That’s it for this edition, take care until the next.
XOXO JZ
As a non-social-media-user, I am cheering you on! The less time on a screen, the more time in the real world :) I know you can do it.
I noticed that many of your commitments related to limiting or removing certain habits. I'm excited to see what you replace them with! Where does the recaptured time get dedicated to fill you up and feed your soul? :) Will we lucky readers get to indulge in lots more of your awesome musings? What's on your reading list? What will you do when you're at the bus stop and don't feel the need to check your phone?